I accidentally burped into my bong.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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