Say something about gay babies.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize