When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
