I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think I just sharted jello shots
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
