There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
