Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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