i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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