Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize