So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
