1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize