I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
