Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
