I think my fart just growled at me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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