so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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