I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
