I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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