His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
