please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
