My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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