I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You were trust falling into bushes
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize