Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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