At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
