You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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