He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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