dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
