The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize