we're blogging at a bar
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
