No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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