Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
