We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
