She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
