i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
