I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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