your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
whose ass print is on the piano?
I think a kid would responsible me up
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
