i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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