How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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