I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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