I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
