I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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