Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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