I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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