I want to have your abortion
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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