i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
