everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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