i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
