You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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