Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
