I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
