please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
