he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
