But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
