A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
