11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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