I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
