i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
