Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
