I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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