she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
