She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
