i don't like sucking hair
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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