If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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