the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
