i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i will never coherently bang her
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Randomize
