If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
