Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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