The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
